Return to Where We Were
by sparklylulz
Summary: AH/AU. Jane has the misfortune of pulling her ex-boyfriend's name for the Secret Santa gift exchange at work. She doesn't know how she'll survive this holiday but through some letters and a few tricks of his own, Loki might just surprise her. -For Sara.


**a/n: **Ugh I love these two so much. I literally cannot stop writing them, especially the romcom verse I've inadvertently created. This is (a very, very late) day seven and I hope everyone has a lovely and incredible holiday. :)

**Warnings & Disclaimers: I don't own Thor or "White Flag," only the mistakes, folks.**

**Sara, I hope you enjoyed your week, I wanted to end it with a bang- though I know the bits with Thor will have you squirming, muhahaha. AND I AM SO SORRY THIS IS LATE D:**

–

_**'return to where we were'**_

_'I will go down with this ship, _

_and I won't put my hands up and surrender._

_There will be no white flag above my door ,_

_I'm in love and always will be.'_

–

"What could I have possibly done in a past life to deserve drawing my ex boyfriend's name for Secret Santa?" Jane asked exasperatedly, pulling a carton of ice cream from her fridge, before sighing dramatically and falling on the couch between her two best friends, wishing to sink into the cushions and never resurface again.

"Well, look at this way: at least you know what he likes." Darcy offered from Jane's right, the permanent smirk on her face even more pronounced as she took the ice cream.

Jane grabbed the carton back and grabbed a pillow to whack the younger girl over the head with when a strong arm reached up to pull Jane's considerably smaller hand out of the air. Thor gave her a broad smile and continued chowing down on her leftover pizza.

"How can you just sit there and eat at a time like this! He's _your_ brother!" Jane snapped, but Thor wasn't the type of guy to let hysteria worry him. In fact, nothing really phased Thor.

"Yeah, but he's not _my _ex boyfriend, thank god, I would never go for him." He said, a faint look of disgust brushing across his handsome features.

"Only cause you're too in love with yourself." Darcy sassed back which did end up earning her a face full of pillow.

While her friends continued snapping at each other, Jane took a second to try and rationalize her brain. Loki was her ex boyfriend, more importantly, he was her coworker and she was obligated to get him a Secret Santa gift. What on earth could she give to a man she once slept with and now barely even knew?

"Listen, it does suck, but I know you can do this, you've always been the strongest person I've known." Thor said, face full of rare sincerity, and the small brunette grabbed his hand.

"You know, if you weren't gay, I might go for you." She smirked, completely ruining any moment that might have taken place.

"Yeah, you only wish you were that lucky." He said cheekily, standing to throw away the old pizza box.

Behind her smiles and laughter that night Jane Foster knew one thing: this holiday was going to be a nightmare.

–

The workplace was always a fairly competitive environment, which probably seemed ludicrous for a hospital, but there were many rivalries and a lot more gossip than one building could stand. Of course, Jane was only a pediatrician, so she managed to stay out of the big drama, until she started dating the charming and mischievous Loki, who just happened to be the best brain surgeon on the east coast.

Loki wasn't exactly what most people expected, he was arrogant and fairly blunt, but he also enjoyed his work immensely, which couldn't always be said for some of the others in the hospital. She only met him when she began working because of a referral. He managed to charm her fairly quickly, with his mind and his talent.

Jane was always a sucker for talent.

And things were incredible, everything was bliss until they got over the honeymoon phase and the work piled up and they started fighting and as all the sob stories go, they just fell apart. They were separated before they even had a chance to love each other and though they remained amiable towards one another, things were very awkward, especially since Loki's estranged brother who worked as a nurse in Jane's department still remained her best friend.

She personally felt neither brother had the right to criticize the other, considering Loki was a bastard child and Thor had been disowned for being gay. It seemed that they might serve to learn more from each other if they would stop ignoring each other and actually had the civility to sit in the same room together. Alas, that wasn't her problem though.

"Have you heard?" Darcy said, skidding into the break room and completely throwing Jane's train of thought.

"Obviously not, as I have no idea what you're talking about." She said back, picking her sandwich up and taking the first bite.

"This year they're adding a thing to Secret Santa. You get the chance to write letters your partner to get to know them better!" Her voice was excited but Jane felt like falling off the face of the planet. The last thing she wanted was for Loki to find out she was his Secret Santa before gifts were do.

"Stop being such a downer, Jane! You get the chance to talk to him again!" Darcy, the ever so naïve student resident on Jane's ward was still hoping that some happily ever after would arise for her friend and the enigmatic doctor upstairs. "They'll be emailing you the instructions shortly."

With that the younger girl had taken off in a frenzy to get back to whatever assignment she was doing and Jane was left to wallow in more self pity.

–

The instructions were fairly simple- type the letter, lest your recipient recognize your hand writing, place the name of your partner on the front of the envelope and drop it in the designated box at the front desk. The partners could write back if they so desired, only needing to write their own names on the outside of the envelopes to be given to the right party. Letters would be delivered to the correct recipient every day for the next five days, or until Christmas Eve.

The whole idea seemed absolutely ludicrous to her, a lot more work than necessary, but then again, the hospital was always coming up with ridiculous ideas for things, so this was fairly mild in comparison.

She watches her cursor blink for at least half an hour before she can bring herself to type his name, which is painful enough without having to actually _write_ him a letter. After a few glasses of wine she manages to getting something down and that's really good enough for her.

_Dr. Laufeyson, _

_Though I admit I was surprised to find your name on my slip of paper, I am now concerned as I don't know you very well. I must also admit that you seem to be someone who has everything they could want. I won't ask what you'd like, seeing as that defeats the whole purpose of this exchange, I would however like to ask what things you enjoy._

_Thank you,_

_Santa._

It could have been better, but it could have been worse too. There were some tiny lies in there, but white lies never hurt anyone. She sighed and managed to get the envelope sealed and his name put on the outside of it. She drops it in the box the next morning and is quite surprised to find a note for her sitting on her desk when she enters her office for some early morning paperwork.

_Dr. Foster,_

_I was pleased to see that I got your name in our annual draw, because I have seen and heard of your work but I have not had the chance to actually meet you. You are quite talented in your field, and you should know I do not offer praise lightly. However, I find myself at a loss as to what you would enjoy receiving from me. Perhaps we should start with you telling me your hobbies._

_Regards,_

_Secret Santa_

She felt a little irritated by the letter, as if she were some nuisance they had to do this for. She was certain it was that old buffer who ran oncology, always appearing pleasant but on the inside he was as cuddly as a venomous snake. She composed her reply quickly.

_Secret Santa,_

_Thank you for your kind words, and as to your question I must admit my hobbies are limited to reading books and sketching. I am usually too busy with work for anything else._

_Dr. Foster._

–

She drops the letter off on her way to lunch and when she returns the next morning finds two envelopes awaiting her reply. She thinks that keeping up two conversations at once is bound to be miserable, especially if one is with Loki and the other some jerk who thought he was better than her.

_Dear Santa,_

_You may call me 'Loki,' it seems more appropriate given you are to buy me a Christmas gift. I regret to inform you that I am going to traveling over Christmas and I hope that it would not be too much of an inconvenience for you to wait to give my gift until New Years Day. On to your question: I enjoy books, and I have a soft spot for really bad cult movies, and I also play the violin. I don't know if these things will be helpful for you, but I am just a letterbox away should you have anymore inquiries._

_Hoping to hear from you soon,_

_Loki._

She wants to punch him in the face because she never knew any of those things about him, well reading was a given, but she'd never guessed he played the violin of all things. She feels anger bubbling in her chest because of all the things he locked away from her, all the things he had never planned on sharing with her. Jane types a reply, trying to not think about how much she wishes she could have known the man behind the doctor.

_Loki,_

_I don't think it will make much difference if I wait a few extra days to give you your gift, though if it's not too forward, might I inquire as to where you're traveling to? I suppose you have family abroad, most of my family are deceased so I mostly spend my Christmases with my best friends. However, your information was very helpful. Playing the violin is quite impressive. Do you have any favorite authors or composers? _

_Santa._

She rips open the other letter, knowing that it'll most likely only serve to piss her off even further, but Darcy walks into her office before she gets chance to read it and snatches it from her fingers. Jane is used to her friend's rather large lack of personal space and just waits for her snarky comment.

"Wow, he sounds like a real winner." Darcy never disappoints in the area of sarcasm. Before Jane can ask the other girl starts reading the letter out loud like they're members of some poetry group meeting in dark cafes.

"_Dr. Foster,_

_Sketching is an interesting hobby, if I may be so bold as to ask what you sketch? Most who claim to be artists usually have had one class at a local community college, I do hope this isn't true of you, as I hold you in high regard in the workplace. As you don't have many hobbies I supposed the next step is to ask for what kind of music/musicians you enjoy?_

_Secret Santa."_

"Yeah, he's kind of an ass. I'm pretty sure it's Dr. Grove." Jane said back, not surprised by the cold tone of the letter. She hadn't expected much, but she had a feeling she would hate whatever present she received even if it were the Crown Jewels of England.

"How's the Loki writing going?" Darcy asked, eying the already sealed envelope with great interest and Jane sighed.

"He plays the violin. He never told me that- why wouldn't he tell me that?" Hurt was obvious in her tone but Darcy was always good to be the voice of reason and so she gave Jane a hard look before answering.

"You dated for two months and most of that time was spent in your bedroom or at rushed dinners between your schedules. You didn't have a whole lot of time for the 'getting-to-know-you' stuff." She reached up to pull her hair back before finishing, "And besides, we all know the kind of guy Loki can be. He doesn't really let people in, god if we think Thor is messed up, Loki must be a real piece of work. Though I can't say I'd mind getting to examine his dark, sexy mind." She sighed wistfully and Jane had to forcibly keep from rolling her eyes.

Jane eyed the letter at hand before pulling up a new Word document, "Don't you have bed pans to scrub or something?" She deflected and Darcy only stuck her tongue out before hoping off the desk and leaving Jane to answer the letter from her own Secret Santa.

_Secret Santa,_

_I can assure you that I did not take an art class at a community college. My father was an artist before he died and I inherited a portion of his talent in so far as realism is concerned. I tend to sketch flowers and nature mostly, but I have been known to do portraits for people who really matter to me._

_In answer to your second question, I enjoy classical music as well as some alternative rock. I also have been known to indulge in a good musical every now and then. _

_Dr. Foster_

–

It was often very tiring to be a doctor, because no matter how hard you tried, sometimes you just couldn't save a patient and Jane hated that. It was hard to send a child to radiology any time, but it was even worse at Christmas. She grew up watching her father grow progressively sicker and then seeing her mother's depression consume her as well- all Jane wanted to do was help people and it was a pretty hard blow when she just couldn't do anything more.

"Rough day?" The familiar and silky voice of Loki Laufeyson broke her train of thought, and nearly caused her to drop her steaming mug of tea.

He had a way of sneaking up on people, his footsteps almost silent and his movements gentle. "You could say that." She sighed, trying to not think about all the things running through her head right then. Like why he had never discussed his hobbies with her or the fact that she still didn't know what to give him for Christmas.

"How's your Secret Santa going? Mine's been a nightmare to find a gift for." He volunteers, sensing the necessity for a subject change and Jane grabs onto it gratefully wondering how it was that he always seemed to read her mind.

"Yeah, I've been having trouble picking out a gift but I think I've finally come up with something. I've cut the deadline pretty close." She chuckles a little, the awkward tension in the room receding slightly as he joined her.

"Yes, I'm afraid that I am a terrible procrastinator during the holidays. Well, I better get back to work. No rest for the wicked." His eyes flash with the same mischievous look she remembers so well.

He's swept out of the room before she can tell him goodbye and she has to wonder why the air seems so much emptier without him there.

–

Jane decided what her gift would be fairly quickly, though she didn't see the harm in continuing to write to Loki. She had found herself wondering more and more about what things he hadn't told her and it ate her up. She hated not knowing and he didn't know who he was telling these things to. She was just a person on the other side of the computer.

She received both replies again the next day, her desk being covered in the usual mountain of paperwork she was behind on. The holiday season was always the hardest on kids, between catching colds or the flu, they also all tended to want check-ups then. Her office often provided a nice escape from crying toddlers and endless throat swabs.

_Dr. Foster_

_I am writing this for two reasons. Firstly to say that I hope you will not be upset to hear this but your gift will not be ready until the first of January, though I cannot tell you why now, you will see when the time comes. I do hope this will not be a problem._

_Secondly to inform you that our correspondence is no longer necessary as I have ascertained what gift you shall receive and I see no point in distracting either party from our work. All I ask is that you meet me in New York City on New Years Eve at 7p.m., I will enclose the address, for your gift. I have already reserved you a ticket._

_Best regards,_

_Secret Santa._

Well, this guy definitely wasn't a romantic in any sense of the word, but it was just as well, Jane didn't even know him and she was already tired of talking to him. She was curious as to what he could possibly have for her in New York, but she wasn't betting on anything too pleasant. Instead she pulled the letter out that she really cared about, though she would rather die than admit that to anyone, especially Darcy.

_Santa,_

_I don't think you're being too forward in asking where I'll be for Christmas, human curiosity is not a sin. However, you are incorrect in assuming that I will be joining family, as things with my relations tend to be... strained. I do have a brother, but we don't speak unless there is a great necessity. I will be traveling to New York City for a job interview, though that shouldn't be repeated to our more nosey coworkers_.

_I am sorry to hear about your family, though it's a relief to know that you won't spend the holiday alone and I haven't ruined your holiday completely. _

_I am glad to hear my information yielded good results, though I don't usually tell people about the violin as I'm not quite as good at it as I'd like to be. However, my favorite authors include Tolstoy, Fitzgerald, and funnily enough, Twain. As far as composers I'd have to go with both Beethoven and Debussy as they were true geniuses of their time, though Chopin does hold a soft place in my heart._

_I'll be leaving for my trip tomorrow, so I will not be able to get your reply nor to answer it, I'm sorry for this as I have enjoyed writing to you and look forward to meeting you. _

_Loki._

She doesn't know why her heart clenches at the idea of him transferring to New York or why she feels sorry for him after reading about his family. She knew that they weren't a happy group of people but something about seeing it typed out from his own fingers made it much more real. She's even more surprised to see Twain and Chopin on his lists as picturing Loki Laufeyson reading a _Mark Twain_ novel was fairly hilarious. Proper and English Loki, who was so cultured and thoroughly British it sometimes hurt to look at him had two favorite authors that were American. He was full of surprises.

She places the letter in her purse because there's something comforting about it, though she feels somewhat disappointed that she cannot reply to him, but it's probably for the best if he's looking to move to New York and there was no point in opening old wounds. She thinks that she'll at least be able to give him her present in New York on New Years Eve, though it was sure to be a mad house up there.

–

It's an especially cold New Years Eve morning when Jane boards the train that will take her to the Big Apple, her gift box awkwardly resting in her arms. She thinks she probably looks a fool carrying around a huge box a week after Christmas is over but she's too nervous to even care about what everyone else is thinking of her.

She had asked Loki's receptionist for the address of the hotel he was staying at which was fairly close to the address her own secret Santa had left for her. He'll be in meetings until that night and she's scheduled to collect her own gift at seven so she's stuck carrying the box around New York City, trying to get through the mass of bodies to find the building she's looking for.

Having a few hours to kill allows her to enjoy the city, no matter how many people are there. It's been a long time since she'd traveled north for New Years, not since she was a very small child and her father had been relatively healthy. Her feet take her through the streets, just to look at the towering buildings and all the different people. She's secretly thankful she was given the opportunity to spend her evening somewhere that wasn't in front of her tv with a cranky Darcy.

It takes her about an hour and a half to get through the crowd on foot and it's just as well because she ends up there just a little after seven, stumbling upon the small coffee house out of slight accident, wondering if her gift was free coffee, as that wouldn't really be a surprise.

Her disappointment disappears when she steps inside the warm room and her heart thuds against her ribs painfully. Loki is sitting on the stage in the corner, his long fingers pulling a bow across the strings of the most magnificent violin she has ever seen. He's not dressed like a doctor, in fact she's not sure she's ever seen him in jeans and a sweater before, but she can't complain.

He doesn't look up from the piece he's playing, but between being stunned by his presence and overwhelmed by the melody drifting around her, she feels so stupid for not realizing that he's her Secret Santa.

_This_ is her gift- his music. It feels like magic in the dim room, watching this beautiful and enchanting man play a song he's written for only her. Jane doesn't really know what to do with herself, her eyes moist and heart fit to burst and before she'd like, his song is finished and the applause is deafening but he has eyes for only her.

And she's never felt more beautiful in her life.

"It was you." Is all she can managed to say when he walks towards her, his light smirk becoming more pronounced at her sentence and he pulls her outside, away from all the noise, but she doesn't register anything other than the feeling of his skin on hers.

"Yes, Thor told me you'd drawn my name and I... well, let's just say I made sure to acquire your name in return." It's like she's living some warped version of her own life, because in what universe would something like this happen? "I'm sorry that I was so rude in my letters, but I couldn't let you know I was your Secret Santa." He speaks, his expression apologetic, but that is the furthest thing from her mind right now.

"That... was beautiful." She finally says, "Your music." Still slightly taken aback from processing all this new information. He had spoken to Thor about her, he had written a song for _her_, he was standing in this New York street on New Years Eve with _her_.

"Thank you, but really it's yours. It was you that sparked me into playing again." He admits easily, not understanding what his casual words were doing to her heart rate. "I am sorry I never told you that I play. I'm not.. the best with people sometimes, I'm afraid." Well, he could have fooled her.

"I think you're doing just fine." She smiles, feeling a bit more like herself when he smiles in return. "But... why do all this? I mean, just for me?"

His smiles falters a little before he answers her question. "Because I didn't try last time. I just let you go and I hated myself for that. You were the first person to fully remind me what it felt like to really _live_."

He paused to look out at the lights and her mind raced with what he was saying, and what he was asking of her, but he turned back toward her before she could voice these thoughts out loud.

"I didn't lie when I told you I came here to discuss a job opportunity because if this night didn't go well I wasn't going to stay at the hospital and put us both through a new layer of Hell. So, if I'm too late, that's fine... I'm not unaccustomed to moving, but if I'm not... I'd like the chance to love you. A real chance." He said it all smoothly, no sign of the nerves she felt were on his face, but he couldn't fool her, because his hands were clenched so tight his fingers were white.

It takes a second for her to remember that she's his Secret Santa, too, and the box in her arms is his. She doesn't answer his question, feeling her words couldn't do justice what her gift will.

"This is for you- though, I'm not sure it can compare." Her nerves go through the roof as he unwraps his gift, slender fingers pulling the paper off elegantly until he's uncovered his own gift. His soft gasp of surprise causes her to look up at his face.

He's admiring the drawing with awe, like it hasn't even crossed his mind that this is what she would give him.

"It's.. well, it's how I see you." She spoke gently, looking down at the portrait of the man standing before her. He was cast slightly in shadow, but warm tones danced in the background, his green eyes bright and the mischievous smile playing on his lips.

It was his turn to be stunned into silence and her turn to do the speaking.

"I wrote that I only do portraits of people who matter to me and this is no exception." Her eyes dart to her feet, "I, gods, I never stop thinking about you. About everything we could have had... about all the things I could have known about you." It comes out fast, but he catches each word and turns to her.

"So... if you're asking, I would very much like for you to be the one who kisses me at midnight." She says shyly, but his wolfish laugh calms her nerves.

"Surely you can't be serious?" He says and she raises an eyebrow, "Like I'm going to wait until midnight to kiss you."

In one fluid motion he's set the painting on the sidewalk next to his violin case and has her wrapped in his arms, lips colliding, his cold nose pressed next to her own and she wants to laugh and cry at the same time when he lets go.

"I'm so glad it was you." She whispers honestly against him.

"Oh, Jane, it was always going to be you for me."

Jane gets quite a few kisses in before the ball drops that night and she finds herself eager to see what the new year will bring her.


End file.
